A topic which is very dear to my heart has recently invaded my mind as a matter of some import, for, you see, I realized that I have completely and utterly ignored this most important of items when writing in this blog. I did a quick review, and I found that I have designated exactly no posts to this extremely vital…. thing. Coffee. Yes, that nectar of the Fortunate Isles. The Promised Land was flowing with milk and honey, and one can only speculate that this was so that the Israelites’ coffee would not be barren. Coffee is that beverage that greets me when I awaken and is still ready for a sip before I settle down for the evening. Coffee goes with virtually every desert that doesn’t contain fruit, and chocolate, that wonderful food from the heavens, is one of coffee’s constant companions. Coffee can be enjoyed by one’s self, or it can be partaken of by an entire army. Water and fire are both needed to create it, and a host of additions can be made. Sugars, honeys, dairies, and an entire consortium of flavors can be combined to create any manner of coffee derivative, but in the end, it is still a coffee. I have compiled a list of possible things to do with coffee. Here it is.
- Use it in a cake. Yes, you could have coffee cake, coffee icing, coffee chips, coffee, um, flavor…
- Take a bath in it. Because everybody likes someone who smells like coffee. (It just might be a tad bit sticky…)
- Roast a bunch of coffee, pour it out, and repeat. ‘Cause really, the best part of coffee is the smell.
- Spread it in the lower atmosphere to create coffee rain. (IDK if that’s possible, but NASA, now that you’re not busy with moon stuff, wanna try it?)
- Make a deeply philosophical and socially-relevant music video about it.
- Build a castle. Surround said castle with a moat. Fill moat with coffee. Paint angry alligator faces on coffee beans and float them in the moat.
- Float rubber duckies in it, because rubber duckies like coffee, too.
- Use it in a Super Soaker during a water fight. They’ll never see it coming. >.>
- Feed it to a class of pre-schoolers, and then run away very quickly.
- Write a blog post about it.
While such a short list is prohibitive and really insufficient to truly cover the boundless opportunities provided by such a wondrous substance, I really must end this post at some point. So, I regret to announce, this is the End. I am going now. I bid you all a very fond farewell. Goodbye.
(Until next time…)