I do believe I have a serious problem, particularly pertaining to my desk(s). I simply cannot seem to keep them organized. I have a fairly decent system. Books go in a pile in the corner, pens go in that cup, other pens go in that other cup… more pens go in the other three cups. (I have a lot of pens.) I just can’t seem to maintain that system. It’s never a conscious rebellion; I just place something on my desk, and soon it’s invited all of its friends and relatives to the party. “Oh, hello Laser Pointer! I heard that we’re having a Hang Out on Chris’ Desk Party,” said the stapler to the laser pointer.
It’d be pretty awesome if my desk was somewhat sentient. I don’t want it to be completely so, but maybe just enough to the point that when I placed something out of place, it would rebel and knock it off or incinerate it or something. “RAWR! You do not belong here, shoelaces!” *fwoosh* And thus I had to buy new shoelaces… again.
Though, I suppose that could be a problem. If my desk were intelligent enough to distinguish between acceptable objects and not, then I might have larger problems on my hands than just untidiness. The Night of the Living Desks. Also, desk civil rights?
But seriously, I’m not sure that I’ll ever really solve this problem. I think it might be genetic. Somewhere in the Human Genome Sequence is a thread for tendencies towards having untidy desks. I’m sure all the important scientists are working on the problem now. Right? Of course right!
And now for something completely different.
I feel that I have neglected Pop Tarts for far too long now. My heart has yearned to write of them, and my taste buds have longed for the sensations of their delightfulfullness and magnificence. My toaster has sat waiting patiently, yet mournfully. My cabinets, though by no means empty, have long looked as though they’re missing some vital component. These very words pain me to write, yet I feel that I must. Maybe I’ll pick some up at Walmart today…
Bye for now!
A topic which is very dear to my heart has recently invaded my mind as a matter of some import, for, you see, I realized that I have completely and utterly ignored this most important of items when writing in this blog. I did a quick review, and I found that I have designated exactly no posts to this extremely vital…. thing. Coffee. Yes, that nectar of the Fortunate Isles. The Promised Land was flowing with milk and honey, and one can only speculate that this was so that the Israelites’ coffee would not be barren. Coffee is that beverage that greets me when I awaken and is still ready for a sip before I settle down for the evening. Coffee goes with virtually every desert that doesn’t contain fruit, and chocolate, that wonderful food from the heavens, is one of coffee’s constant companions. Coffee can be enjoyed by one’s self, or it can be partaken of by an entire army. Water and fire are both needed to create it, and a host of additions can be made. Sugars, honeys, dairies, and an entire consortium of flavors can be combined to create any manner of coffee derivative, but in the end, it is still a coffee. I have compiled a list of possible things to do with coffee. Here it is.
- Use it in a cake. Yes, you could have coffee cake, coffee icing, coffee chips, coffee, um, flavor…
- Take a bath in it. Because everybody likes someone who smells like coffee. (It just might be a tad bit sticky…)
- Roast a bunch of coffee, pour it out, and repeat. ‘Cause really, the best part of coffee is the smell.
- Spread it in the lower atmosphere to create coffee rain. (IDK if that’s possible, but NASA, now that you’re not busy with moon stuff, wanna try it?)
- Make a deeply philosophical and socially-relevant music video about it.
- Build a castle. Surround said castle with a moat. Fill moat with coffee. Paint angry alligator faces on coffee beans and float them in the moat.
- Float rubber duckies in it, because rubber duckies like coffee, too.
- Use it in a Super Soaker during a water fight. They’ll never see it coming. >.>
- Feed it to a class of pre-schoolers, and then run away very quickly.
- Write a blog post about it.
While such a short list is prohibitive and really insufficient to truly cover the boundless opportunities provided by such a wondrous substance, I really must end this post at some point. So, I regret to announce, this is the End. I am going now. I bid you all a very fond farewell. Goodbye.
(Until next time…)
A Short(ish) Dissertation on the Extent to which I love Technology and hate Las Vegas.
This past week has been a blur. I know, so cliché, but it really has. (Is it cliché to refer to a popular cliché as cliché when other people undoubtedly do the same?) Last Saturday, I boarded a plane and flew over the country, all the way to Las Vegas, Nevada. If you’ve never been to Las Vegas, I suggest you go. If you’re a gambler, you’ll love it (and most likely you’ll end up broke). If you like to see new things, you’ll find plenty in LV. If you have ever wanted to see the epitome of human depredation condensed into one thick, seething, noisy, obnoxious conglomerate of people, then Las Vegas is the place for you.
Las Vegas is one gigantic money-sucking pit. The entire purpose of the city is to squeeze every last coin from its tourist’s pockets. The first thing I saw when I disembarked from the plane was an array of “one-armed bandits” (slot machines). They sat there dinging away and hungrily flashing their ever-beckoning lights, and people sat in the seats and fed the slots, watching their credits dwindle to zero. Gambling. When one goes to leave the airport, one must find transportation, right? Of course right. Transport. Now that you’ve wasted some money in the slot machines and paid a taxi driver or bus driver or rental car fee, you can hand over some cash for lodging! Hotels. Of course, now everyone’s hungry. Care to spend $45 for a burger? Food. Oh, good, now that we’re where we wanted to go and comfortably rested, why don’t we check our emails? It’s only $10 a day for wifi! Internet. Maybe we could play some cards while we’re wandering through one of the countless casinos in the bottoms of all these hotels. More Gambling. Perhaps we could go see a show or visit a local attraction? Entertainment. Maybe we have loose morals and we’d like some company tonight. Erm… Entertainment? I could go on, but I have the feeling you get the point.
I did enjoy seeing the fountain show at the Bellagio, the volcano at the Mirage, and the luxurious decor in the other high-end temporary lodgings. I couldn’t help but feel, though, as I walked through all of the semi-opulence, how much waste was all around — the ridiculously expensive hotels and the fancy clothes and the pricey food and the silly trivialities on which people spend their money! The entire city centers around the gambling; it’s where the casinos really make their money, but then there’s the high price of everything else. The interesting thing is, everything combines to create an attraction in and of itself. People pay to see Las Vegas for Las Vegas! They pay to ride in limousines and helicopters and all of modes of exotic transport. All to see what? The product of their waste.
Oh well. This, I suppose, is why I’m not extremely wealthy. I’d spend it all on technology and charity.
Oh, I said technology up there, didn’t I? Did I mention that I actually went to see the NAB show? More on that tomorrow.