I do believe I have a serious problem, particularly pertaining to my desk(s). I simply cannot seem to keep them organized. I have a fairly decent system. Books go in a pile in the corner, pens go in that cup, other pens go in that other cup… more pens go in the other three cups. (I have a lot of pens.) I just can’t seem to maintain that system. It’s never a conscious rebellion; I just place something on my desk, and soon it’s invited all of its friends and relatives to the party. “Oh, hello Laser Pointer! I heard that we’re having a Hang Out on Chris’ Desk Party,” said the stapler to the laser pointer.
It’d be pretty awesome if my desk was somewhat sentient. I don’t want it to be completely so, but maybe just enough to the point that when I placed something out of place, it would rebel and knock it off or incinerate it or something. “RAWR! You do not belong here, shoelaces!” *fwoosh* And thus I had to buy new shoelaces… again.
Though, I suppose that could be a problem. If my desk were intelligent enough to distinguish between acceptable objects and not, then I might have larger problems on my hands than just untidiness. The Night of the Living Desks. Also, desk civil rights?
But seriously, I’m not sure that I’ll ever really solve this problem. I think it might be genetic. Somewhere in the Human Genome Sequence is a thread for tendencies towards having untidy desks. I’m sure all the important scientists are working on the problem now. Right? Of course right!
And now for something completely different.
I feel that I have neglected Pop Tarts for far too long now. My heart has yearned to write of them, and my taste buds have longed for the sensations of their delightfulfullness and magnificence. My toaster has sat waiting patiently, yet mournfully. My cabinets, though by no means empty, have long looked as though they’re missing some vital component. These very words pain me to write, yet I feel that I must. Maybe I’ll pick some up at Walmart today…
Bye for now!
Well, okay, maybe not of all time, but at least of the selection that lives in my library of music.
Anchor & Braille — Wedding / Funeral
It’s a song written from the perspective of a guy who is feeling remorseful of letting go of an old friend. It’s for her funeral or wedding ’cause, you know, that’s not creepy.
“I’m a great burning lament to this day
But I realize now you’re in a better place
Hands will tremble
As you’re lowered down the aisle
But you won’t look at me
Not so much as smile
I want to stand up and speak my peace
And let your hollow pieces walk away.”
Dude, you’ve got some emotional issues. I’m seriously considering setting up an eHarmony account for you.
Cascada — Everytime We Touch
Ok, I don’t think it’s meant to be a stalker song, but this lady is just a bit obsessive… Strangely enough, this video reminds me of Nirvana’s Smells Like Teen Spirit video, but I prefer this version.
“I still hear your voice, when you sleep next to me.
I still feel your touch in my dream.
Forgive me my weakness, but I don’t know why
Without you it’s hard to survive.”
If you’re hearing voices, you should seek professional help.
GLaDOS — Still Alive
A song written just for me by a megalomaniacal supercomputer who wanted to kill me. So sweet.
“I’m not even angry.
I’m being so sincere right now.
Even though you broke my heart.
And killed me.
And tore me to pieces.
And threw every piece into a fire.
As they burned it hurt because I was so happy for you!”
…anyway, you should play Portal if this makes no sense.
Stellar Kart — Kiss the Girl
Yes, this is a cover of a song from The Little Mermaid. Yes, I have this song in my iTunes library. LISTEN TO THOSE STALKER LYRICS, THOUGH.
“Yes, you want her
Look at her, you know you do
It’s possible she wants you too
There’s one way to ask her
It don’t take a word, not a single word
Go on and kiss the girl”
Death Cab for Cutie — I Will Possess Your Heart
The title says it all. Also, 4 minute guitar intro.
“You reject my… advances… and desperate pleas…
I won’t let you… let me down… so easily.”
I’m sorry, but, um, I’m calling the cops…
The Afters — Myspace Girl
“You asked me what I wanted… I want you!”
Would you like fries with that?
Needtobreathe — Girl Named Tennessee
This one’s just kind of like a failed stalker song…
“Oh, she danced away with my heart and soul
Who she was, I will never know
Danced away with my hopes and dreams
My sweet girl from Tennessee”
In one night, you placed all of your hopes and dreams in a girl? Overconfident, much?
Fall Out Boy — My Songs Know What You Did in the Dark
I’m really not even sure. Certainly sounds stalkerish to me…
Owl City — Deer In the Headlights
This was a free download from iTunes. I promise I didn’t buy this…
“Met a girl with a graceful charm,
But when beauty met the beast he froze.
Got the sense I was not her type
By black eye and bloody nose,
But I guess that’s the way it goes.”
No… I’m pretty sure you’re doing it wrong.
Relient K — Faking My Own Suicide
“To get your attention, I’m faking my own suicide…”
Yeah, yeah… that’ll do it.
And those are the stalker songs from my music library. What’s your favorite stalker song?
A topic which is very dear to my heart has recently invaded my mind as a matter of some import, for, you see, I realized that I have completely and utterly ignored this most important of items when writing in this blog. I did a quick review, and I found that I have designated exactly no posts to this extremely vital…. thing. Coffee. Yes, that nectar of the Fortunate Isles. The Promised Land was flowing with milk and honey, and one can only speculate that this was so that the Israelites’ coffee would not be barren. Coffee is that beverage that greets me when I awaken and is still ready for a sip before I settle down for the evening. Coffee goes with virtually every desert that doesn’t contain fruit, and chocolate, that wonderful food from the heavens, is one of coffee’s constant companions. Coffee can be enjoyed by one’s self, or it can be partaken of by an entire army. Water and fire are both needed to create it, and a host of additions can be made. Sugars, honeys, dairies, and an entire consortium of flavors can be combined to create any manner of coffee derivative, but in the end, it is still a coffee. I have compiled a list of possible things to do with coffee. Here it is.
- Use it in a cake. Yes, you could have coffee cake, coffee icing, coffee chips, coffee, um, flavor…
- Take a bath in it. Because everybody likes someone who smells like coffee. (It just might be a tad bit sticky…)
- Roast a bunch of coffee, pour it out, and repeat. ‘Cause really, the best part of coffee is the smell.
- Spread it in the lower atmosphere to create coffee rain. (IDK if that’s possible, but NASA, now that you’re not busy with moon stuff, wanna try it?)
- Make a deeply philosophical and socially-relevant music video about it.
- Build a castle. Surround said castle with a moat. Fill moat with coffee. Paint angry alligator faces on coffee beans and float them in the moat.
- Float rubber duckies in it, because rubber duckies like coffee, too.
- Use it in a Super Soaker during a water fight. They’ll never see it coming. >.>
- Feed it to a class of pre-schoolers, and then run away very quickly.
- Write a blog post about it.
While such a short list is prohibitive and really insufficient to truly cover the boundless opportunities provided by such a wondrous substance, I really must end this post at some point. So, I regret to announce, this is the End. I am going now. I bid you all a very fond farewell. Goodbye.
(Until next time…)