Fun

Don’t Ask Me

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I do not like a long work day
I do not like it, even the pay

I do not like to get up early
For that, I’m afraid, makes me surly

I cannot stand an early alarm
They do no good, only harm

And I do not like to leave my bed
It makes me sad and hurts my head

The moral here, if I’m not crazy,
Is that I’m tired, worn, and lazy

But that’s okay, and I’m alright,
Because I get to sleep tonight!

Some people don’t
Some people can’t
Some people don’t even get the chance.

So I’ll stop complaining, ‘cause when it’s raining
I’m not worrying, stressing or straining.

I have a roof, and I have a bed
I have a job, no shortage of bread

I’m content, but should I be?
I’m not sure. Don’t ask me.

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A Topic Very Dear to my Heart

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A topic which is very dear to my heart has recently invaded my mind as a matter of some import, for, you see, I realized that I have completely and utterly ignored this most important of items when writing in this blog. I did a quick review, and I found that I have designated exactly no posts to this extremely vital…. thing. Coffee. Yes, that nectar of the Fortunate Isles. The Promised Land was flowing with milk and honey, and one can only speculate that this was so that the Israelites’ coffee would not be barren. Coffee is that beverage that greets me when I awaken and is still ready for a sip before I settle down for the evening. Coffee goes with virtually every desert that doesn’t contain fruit, and chocolate, that wonderful food from the heavens, is one of coffee’s constant companions. Coffee can be enjoyed by one’s self, or it can be partaken of by an entire army. Water and fire are both needed to create it, and a host of additions can be made. Sugars, honeys, dairies, and an entire consortium of flavors can be combined to create any manner of coffee derivative, but in the end, it is still a coffee. I have compiled a list of possible things to do with coffee. Here it is.

  1. Use it in a cake. Yes, you could have coffee cake, coffee icing, coffee chips, coffee, um, flavor…
  2. Take a bath in it. Because everybody likes someone who smells like coffee. (It just might be a tad bit sticky…)
  3. Roast a bunch of coffee, pour it out, and repeat. ‘Cause really, the best part of coffee is the smell.
  4. Spread it in the lower atmosphere to create coffee rain. (IDK if that’s possible, but NASA, now that you’re not busy with moon stuff, wanna try it?)
  5. Make a deeply philosophical and socially-relevant music video about it.
  6. Build a castle. Surround said castle with a moat. Fill moat with coffee. Paint angry alligator faces on coffee beans and float them in the moat.
  7. Float rubber duckies in it, because rubber duckies like coffee, too.

    Yes, that's tea. Shhhh.
    Yes, that’s tea. Shhhh.
  8. Use it in a Super Soaker during a water fight. They’ll never see it coming. >.>
  9. Feed it to a class of pre-schoolers, and then run away very quickly.
  10. Write a blog post about it.

While such a short list is prohibitive and really insufficient to truly cover the boundless opportunities provided by such a wondrous substance, I really must end this post at some point. So, I regret to announce, this is the End. I am going now. I bid you all a very fond farewell. Goodbye.

(Until next time…)

~ XK

The Best Dictionary Ever — Volume II

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I almost forgot about this series, but thankfully, I found this draft in my archives. This is a continuation of The Best Dictionary Ever. Read on to be enlightened.

More Important Things Explained

~~~

Cats: Generally considered evil masterminds, these animals are actually just here to observe our race. They care nothing for either mastering nor destroying the earth; they wish merely to upset the established order and spread a little chaos. All in the name of science, of course.

Books: A legal drug, approved and even promoted by most progressive governments and educational systems. Used to alleviate depression, boredom, and other ailments of the mind. Side-effects include dizziness, upset stomach, depression, sadness, drowsiness, obsessive behavior, and mild paper cuts.

Dictionaries: Drab things that exist primarily to confirm or deny the existence of allegedly misused words.

Dogs: These animals are like the UN of the animal world. They try to keep all of the other animals from disrupting the peace; in the process, however, they usually just make matters worse.

Facebook: A website designed to collect all of the excess “spare time” on our planet. Although touted as a social networking site, it has the side effect of gradually decaying most people’s actual social life. It is assumed by some that this will be used as a a weapon in the impending Zomboogle Apocalypse.

Music: That wonderful tool with which we can annoy, enlighten, bring joy to, or depress any person whom we choose (as long as said person is not deaf).

Spotify: The best internet music application ever.  

The Zomboogle Apocalypse: Despite Google’s insinuation that they are a good-loving organization, they will eventually turn all unsuspecting Google users into zombies. Only Mac users and careful internet users will be spared (definition pending).

To be continued…?

~~~

Peace
~ XK

In other news, (I’ll soon be announcing it officially), there’s a new button in the menu at the top of my blog. Check it out?