Food Testing

Posted on 25 July , 2011

Seeing as everything must be thoroughly tested and verified these days, I figured I would undertake an endeavor of the most consequential and necessary of natures. I decided to devote my eating habits to the betterment of others.¹ Sure, it may be tough at times for myself, but it’s for the greater good. Here are some of the resulting finds of this prolonged study.

When pulling all-nighters: Coffee or caffeine in some form is a must. I recommend a Monster Energy drink, I personally prefer the Java flavor. Never, however,  drink only caffeinated drinks. The resulting stomach trauma is quite terrible. I’ve found that popcorn, crackers, bread products, and starches are great compliments to keep your insides from rebelling against the raw caffeine.

When going on a backpacking trip: The meals from Mountain House are quite good. In fact, they’re even good when you haven’t walked for 10 miles carrying 45lbs on your back in 95 degree weather. I’d recommend them any day, they come in foil bags that require you only to pour in hot water. Cliff Bars, Powerbars, and fruit snacks are also good snack choices.

When in a Third World country: Anything that stays good for days in a suitcase is great. Trust me, once you’ve had the local cuisine for a week or so, anything that smells or tastes of home will be quite welcome.

When at your local cafeteria: Just use your eyes, anything that’s not normally green, don’t eat. Anything that’s supposed to be green, but isn’t, I wouldn’t advise eating. Most cafeteria food is heavily processed and sprayed with bug killer² to keep it safe, so don’t worry, you won’t die of food poisoning… most of the time… Don’t eat the meatloaf though. Never eat meatloaf in a commercial establishment. It’s just not a good idea…

When running: All I have to say here is… DON’T DRINK MILK BEFORE RUNNING!

Concerning Hobbits: I wish I was a hobbit, they eat so often… and they eat a lot of mushrooms. I love mushrooms… 😉

That’s it for today! I do hope this little guide provides for you some help. Or something like that…

Peace,
~ XK

NOTES:

1 –  I didn’t really devote my eating habits to others, I just needed a topic to write about. Naturally, eating came to my mind. So, sorry, I didn’t devote my life to your eating betterment. 

2 – They don’t really use bug killers, I just made that up. Hopefully…