Writing

Why Do We Blog?

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The title’s pretty self-explanatory. Did you expect a post about deep-sea creatures or something? No? Okay, good, I’m going to talk about blogging. Yes, that means I’m blogging about blogging. Don’t think about the philosophical implications.

I’ve heard many reasons as to why people blog. Some do so because they like the attention that expressing their opinions can bring. When you post your thoughts to the interwebs, some people usually agree with you. Unless you actually supported SOPA. When people agree with you, you feel better. This is essentially the theory behind any support group. So if you blog for the attention, you’ve made your own virtual support group. Congratz. 

Aside from the glory and accolades that stream from their lovely comment section, many people enjoy hearing from others and finding others’ opinions. Similar to the support group, this category differs in that the author wants people to disagree with him. Writing to stir up thoughts and prod people’s intellects, this blogger likes excitement. I think I’ll write an article on why Tom Cruise should be president!!

Others blog to inform, entertain, or just express themselves. I started blogging to learn to better express myself, improve my written communication skills, and (hopefully) entertain people. Be entertained! Be very entertained!

Do you blog? Why?

Cheers,
~XK

Bunnies, Eggs, and Other Happy Things

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To look out into the stores and streets,
The thoughts of a sacrifice are not brought to mind.
The pastel-colored decor and cheap plastic eggs serve the perfect compliments,
Celebration and gaiety are rampant; thought better serves duller days.

Solemnity is not present; why should a bunny evoke such feelings?
The religious are more so, for today is important.
The house is proper and children are preened.
The church is prettied, and the pews are cleaned.

The glamor is prepared, and the preacher is ready,
A big crowd is expected today.
The kitchens are abuzz with talk and bustle,
This is the big day!

The families in their homes are running in circles.
Clean under the table! Move those chairs!
The dust is evacuated, and the windows shine.
The in-laws are coming! No time for discussion!

The food must be ready, the clothes must be ironed.
The eggs have been prepped and colored,
Hidden in the yard for the children to find.
The house is prettied, and the yard is cleaned.

The talks are prepared, and the father is ready.
A big dinner party is happening tonight.
The games are prepared, and the parlor is set.
This is the big day!

Thought better serves duller days,
After all, why make such a bright time dreary?
Joy is found in the Lord!
He wouldn’t want thought to hinder the glee.

Bunnies and eggs, bright clothes and good food.
Think rather on these things.
Chocolate, caramel, sugar, and Peeps,
These are the fruits of the spirit.

Eat and be merry, as the good book says.
From whom should we expect contradiction?
Celebrations are here.
This is the big day!

These are his eggs, and this is his chocolate;
Eat this in remembrance of him.
He was pierced for your pretty clothes:
Crushed for your Easter dinner.

The widows and orphans watch as the show is performed,
After all, weren’t we commanded to represent him?
He suffered to break the cycle, to complete the law;
If you love him, you will buy lawn ornaments.

The wardrobe has the focus of the weekend;
The oven has the place of honor.
The sacrifice was made long ago, why think on such sadness?
This is the big day!

Go and make disciples of all the other church-goers!
Use pretty colors and serve tasty food!
Dress in fancy clothes, and gather in a safe brick house.
Separate yourself from the world with a wall.

Be in the world, but not of it.
Take up its traditions, but ignore its people.
If they are worthy, they will be attracted to the show.
Do not associate with those lower than thou.

He died for our sins; let’s talk about the splendor of spring!
He was raised to cover our iniquities; let’s buy a suit!
Let’s go to church, for today at least.
After all, today is the big day.

How to Write a Story

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A purpose or message is usually meant to be conveyed in any grouping of words that work together to purposefully mar the blank nothingness of the medium upon which they are placed. Often, however, the collection is not quite arranged in a cohesive manner. If you struggle with this common hardship–that is, the proper conveyance of meaning through written form–I am sorry. To tell the truth, I am no expert on the subject either. In fact, my word arrangements often lose their points when presented to their intended audiences, but my ineptitude has never before stopped me from telling others how to do things.

First of all, and perhaps most obviously, the author must connect the story with his or her reader. This object is most often reached through the use of characters and other plot devices that are commonly recognized. Like magic rings or mad scientists. The characters must be relatable in some way. Humorous people, confused people, blonde people, puppies, kittens, and Pop Tarts are all great objects to use. For creativity points, try combining some or all of those: a humorous, confused blonde puppy who likes Pop Tarts.  

Emotion (for some strange reason) is a powerful tool to use when writing. The goal of most authors is to make the characters’ actions believable. The story of a happy boy and his puppy will invoke pleasant feelings unless you’re a emo cat person, while the tale of an evil undead cat with an owner who murders his wife will probably disturb people. I’m looking at you, Poe.

Depending on the length of the story, background can be quite useful. A lengthy tale that contains many complex characters is much more difficult to write, but when properly executed, the end result is fantastic. Requirements: Capacity to think deeply on many levels, strong imagination, good fashion sense, and an eventful childhood in an 19th or 20th century European country.

Finally, a plot is often quite useful in the writing of a story. Whilst words can be collected and grouped without any real advancement of meaning or evolution of purpose, the abstract is generally left to lesser-known or simply crazy authors. Like me.   

So that is how you write a story; let me demonstrate with a short example:

Once upon a time, a kitten and a puppy were sitting in a field. The field is awash with all sorts of beautiful colors and wonderful things, for the scene is set inside of a portrait. As the portrait is being completed, the painter decides to add some more interesting elements. She is at a bit of a loss, but she soon resolves her dilemma.

The kitten and puppy were soon joined by a happy boy who was clad in bright colors and joyous expressions. Alongside of him ran a girl who was wearing a sun dress and a quaint hat. Everyone is eating Pop Tarts. The kitten is very fuzzy.
The End

If that didn’t make you smile, you should go see a therapist.

Cheers!
~XK