Speak to me, oh muse

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Thank you for calling the inspiration hotline; para español, presione tres. Please speak your query.

*Sing to me, Oh muses, of the tales of old. Fill my mind with thoughts to thrill and enthrall.*

I’m sorry, but all of our inspiration agents are currently engaged. Please choose another option.

*Can I have a topic, perhaps? Just a quick outline to get me started?*

We are currently running a special on inspirational stories, buy one get ten free.

*I’m not interested; do you have any fiction or high fantasy available?*

I’m sorry, but access to this menu requires a Muse Premium© subscription. For a free 10-day trial, please hold. 

*I’d rather not. I really just need some inspiration for a fantasy storyline.*

Please hold while your call is transfered to our billing department.

*I actually don’t want to buy–*

Hello, and welcome to Muse Premium© billing. How may I assist you today?

*Well, I actually don’t want to subscribe today…*

Oh, don’t worry. All we need is a credit card number and a valid address, and we can set you up with unlimited access to Premiumly-inspired© storylines, character development, and short-story outlines!

*All I’d really like is a brief outline; do you have anything in Faerie?*

Well sir, if you subscribe to Muse Premium©, not only will we provide unlimited access to our substantial inspiration database, but will give you an account on our website, which will work from any PC, Mac, or mobile device with an internet connection! 

*I’m sorry, this isn’t really what I wanted. I’ll try back later*

I’m sorry to hear that sir. I’ll put you down as an interested customer, and you’ll receive a lot of spam from us over the next couple of years! We’ll also include some demo articles and half-way written blog posts that can sit in your drafts folder for quite a while. 

So, yeah. My muses are weird.