Selling On The Internet
In this edition of How To (X), the author of the blog will detail the inception and creation of an advertisement on the internet website Craigslist, whilst the whole time referring to himself in the third person.
In order for a sale ad on Craigslist to be successful, one should read the following guidelines carefully:
- The ad must not mention certain critical details. If the poster wishes to sell a car, for example, he or she must leave out the mileage, color, mention of previous wrecks, the condition of the interior, or any combination of all of these options.
- The ad must contain several misspelling and blatant grammatical errors. The author has observed several advertisements that do not contain errors, and he is certain that no positive conclusion shall result. Make liberal misuse of homonyms.
- When taking pictures to display your items, make certain that the images do not represent the true nature of the goods. Preferably, use a camera phone to capture the images, and never frame the image from a flattering angle. The display of damaged portions is left up to the poster’s discretion, but the author highly recommends the omission of such images.
- When crafting the wording of the title, consider inserting random acronyms and meaningless phrases. Be sure to transpose a few letters in a word or two!
- If you are so brave as to include a video, record the footage with a low-quality camera, and be sure to turn off any image stabilization–this will ensure thatt he image meets Craigslist’s strict quality guidelines.
- Never post the actual price of anything. Insert a few periods into the price to confuse the buyer: $3.50.0.00.
- If your post fits perfectly into a set catagory, be sure to place it elsewhere on the site.
- Save the negative aspects of your sale for last. Write them in small print near the bottom of the post.
The author has had a fair amount of experience with Craigslist, and he feels confident that these tips will aid in the production of a successful sale ad. The rules for a wanted ad differ slightly. In fact, they are altogether different.
- A wanted ad must be incredibly complex; use as many obsolete phrases as possible.
- To weed out the disinterested, increase the volume of the verbiage to substantial levels.
- Double and triple check the ad to ensure that no typos or grammatical errors are present.
- If possible, employ the use of a rhetorical fallacy, such as a parade of horrors.
Feeling that these suggestion will prove invaluable, the author offers a kind “you’re welcome” to all of the “thank you”s that are certain to come flowing in.
Signed Good Day,