Procrastination

To the Irresponsible Procrastinators…

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You have totally ruined the name of procrastinators the world over. Have you ever stopped to consider–no, I suppose you haven’t. You see, we (the responsible procrastinators) use our procrastination for the betterment of our kind. We watch youtube videos, listen to music, read wikipedia, and do other useful things that increase our general and specific knowledges. You have ruined our reputation, however, by your irresponsibility and overall lack of self control and propriety.

Procrastination is not inherently bad. Many good things come out of procrastination. For example, I would probably never have found out that Tolkien made four different alphabets for his Middle Earth; I would never have  found this awesome beard, and who knows, I might never have found this awesome duck comic. Your indiscretion has soiled the title of procrastinator forever. Thanks.

Oh, you don’t know what I’m talking about? Let’s go over this and get the lay of the land.

Countless teachers, bosses, and evil overlords have long held this practice as a prime example of reckless and foolhardy behavior. I beg, as I have begged many times before, to differ. I’m a proud procrastinator. The habit is embedded in my nature. I prefer the term of collateral productivity, though. You see, procrastination has been given its ill-earned disreputable flavor due to the countless antics of those people who choose to use it as an excuse to fail. Procrastination is not akin to failure! Let us be clear on this note. Instead, procrastination should be viewed as a tool with which to accomplish things we would never do otherwise without an adequate excuse. The irresponsible of the world, however, have ruined the concept. They have taken procrastination and procrastinated even the time needed to stop procrastinating. What do I have to say? Stop it! Let us procrastinate in peace.

To all of you who are responsible in your procrastination, thank you. You have helped to uphold the reputation of a long-held establishment. Let us work to rebuild its name. Let us gather together under the banner of procrastination and take back the respect that is rightfully ours! Fellow so-called slackers, let’s do this! …tomorrow…

Here’s to a terribly good day,
~ XK

As a side note, this marks the 100 post mark for XanthusKidd! That’s a lot of inanity… Thanks for reading and all the encouragement I’ve received from you, my readers!  

Collateral Productivity

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So… let’s talk about procrastination. (and don’t say you’ll read this later.) I’m sure you’ve heard the jokes before, “Procrastinators Unite! (Tomorrow)” etc… But seriously, let’s take a look at this so called “problem.”

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Really, procrastination isn’t a huge problem with most people; let me explain why. Let’s say you have to do something, (walk your dog, write a paper, take a shower…) it’s something that you really should do, but you really don’t want to do it.

Now (building off the shower example), you’ve needed to take a shower for about a week now, you stink a bit, and people really don’t want to come near you. You should probably do it. You have other ideas though. You get on Facebook, write a paper, read a book, eat a cookie, eat ten cookies, wonder why there aren’t any pop tarts… anyway, I digress. Now, unless you’re one of those people that seriously doesn’t do anything when they’re procrastinating, (i.e. You sit in your chair staring blankly at the wall pondering how many bananas it would take to make a tribe of 20 monkeys happy for a year.) I have a viable excuse that you can use.

You aren’t procrastinating, you are accomplishing other tasks as a result of waylaying the completion of another. This is a tactic I like to call “Collateral Productivity.” You’re being productive, (I mean, socialization is key to good relationships, that paper seriously needed to be written, you learned a lot from that book on Star Wars, and really… those cookies were going to go stale soon anyways…) so procrastination really isn’t a good term. So the next time someone accuses you of procrastinating, look them square in the eyes and say, “I was being collaterally productive, thank you very much.” If you say it with enough confidence, you might even get away with it. 😉
Cheers!
~XK

P.S. – This is not a tactic recommended for use on school work, real work, important work , work with deadlines, or breakfast. Hierarchy of importance is key in these matters. So, go ahead, skip showering for a week, but really, don’t do it if you have a job interview, recruiters want to get to know you, but not that well.

P.P.S. – I don’t personally skip showers, that’d be nasty.