Pop tarts

10 Things Every Boy Should Own

Posted on Updated on

This is a list of things that every boy (no matter the age) should own. So sit back, put on your reading glasses, and enjoy!

  • Item X: Various Fasteners – Everything needs to fastened sometime or another. Whether it be tools, forts in the woods, or little brothers. I recommend always having duct tape, rope, and a collection of glue on hand at all times. Tip: glue a coin to the driveway and watch people’s reactions.
  • Item IX: A Collection (of something) – It really doesn’t matter what. I happen to collect old cameras and rocks. and coins and keys… Every boy should have a collection of something to show off to his friends and family. I even recommend having a collection of something fairly boring. When you want someone to leave, just whip out your old sock collection!
  • Item IIX: Flashlights – You never know when you’ll be trapped somewhere with no natural lighting; that’s why I have a lot of flashlights. I think that you should have at least three different types of flashlights. A small, compact bright flashlight; a headlamp stupid looking but incredibly handy; and a large, incredibly bright flashlight. I recommend a Maglight.
  • Item VII: Batteries – Along the lines of tape, this rather mundane but necessary item is a must have. All of those flashlights have to work somehow! You can also plug two 9-volts together and make little heaters. Just… be careful, sometimes they blow up. 
  • Item VI: Fire-Making Instruments – One of the most important or at least fun items on this list contains fire. I have a few different types of lighters, a flint and steel, and a few other means of ignition. I would say that a cigar lighter is my favorite, it burns hot and fast, and uses simple butane fuel. And you can get them cheap at Wal*Mart.
  • Item V: Chopping Devices – You never know when you might need to chop down a tree. I found that my machete (a Gerber Gator with a saw on the other side of the blade) was an invaluable companion with me on my last backpacking trip. I also own some other machetes, a few saws, a hatchet, and various power tools.
  • Item IV: Knives – Very similar to chopping devices, this one is a more personal item. I recommend that every boy should have at least 10 knives. A pocket knife for each day of the week, plus a large knife, a multitool, and a swiss army knife. Knives are tools, not weapons, so to any motherly type people out there: don’t get too nervous. I’ve only cut myself badly enough to go to the hospital once…
  • Item III: Projectiles – and the thing with which to fire said projectiles. This includes air guns, real guns, bows, slingshots, catapults, and swingsets. Air guns and slingshots are absolutely necessary when there is an excess of plastic bottles or other targets too unfortunate to consider moving elsewhere.
  • Item II: Legos – The most important and necessary part of any boy’s life, Legos are a must-have. These wonderful playthings are the stock of any good toy-box and will carry memories for years. If diamonds are a girl’s best friend, then Legos are a boy’s. Speaking of which, have you seen the new Pirates sets? 
  • Item I: Pop Tarts – You knew I couldn’t make a list without including these. Pop tarts are the most delectable and perfect of the prepackaged pastries currently known. An absolute requirement for any ration box or collection of food, these are perfect for traipsing into the wilderness, playing games, or satisfying midnight snack desires. Don’t leave home without them.  For uses of pop tarts, see a previous post entitled get this Pop-Tarts.

There you have it. My complete listing of the top ten things all boys of any age should own. I have one particular item that is pretty amazing. An old 600 watt super-8 video light. What’s so special about that? You can light anything and burn anything with it. I’ve caught a 2×4 on fire with just this light. I highly recommend it to the nocturnal pyromaniacs out there.
Have a good one!
~XK

Pop Tarts

Posted on Updated on

Pop Tarts are amazing. Have you ever noticed that? They’re like the pre-packaged wonder food. I mean, they’re amazing for breakfast and perfect for a snack; you eat two with milk and that could be your lunch… Truthfully, I could live on Pop Tarts.

When I say live on them I mean literally live on them. You know, I could actually build a house out of Pop Tarts. It’d be like in Hansel and Gretal with the gingerbread house! You could use some really large, 4×8 ft Pop Tarts as the siding, cut out some smaller strips for the wall studs, for the roof you just make sure that you use extra glazing…  You could use different flavors to provide the different colorations. For the flooring you could have Pop Tart mosaics. The bed could be one large Pop Tart that isn’t quite fully cooked to provide extra softness. Imagine the wonderful smells in the Summer, strawberry, raspberry, chocolate, apple strudel…. warm Pop Tart all of the time!

Now, the best part would be the pool. The pool would be filled with your favorite flavor of Pop Tart filling (strawberry anyone?) Of course, no pool is complete without a hot tub, and this hot tub would be filled with milk–nice, warm, whole milk in which you could dip your Pop Tarts… I suppose that if a Pop Tart house is not quite your cup of tea, you could always settle for Pop Tart vending machines in your house. That would be pretty legit. Free for you of course (but maybe you should charge your friends, these things are rather valuable.)

Really, I can’t think of too much that’s as cool as a Pop Tart. I mean, cheese is pretty awesome, but, really… Pop Tarts are in a foil package (much better than paper, and easier to open than plastic,) they combine both the stable world of pastry with the exciting realm of sweet jellyness, they come in a million flavors (give or take 999,972,) they can be eaten right out of the package or microwaved; the list could just go on… I honestly don’t think that breakfast would ever be the same if Pop Tarts didn’t exist. (You wake up in the morning, sadly remember that it’s a school day, take a shower, grudgingly get ready for school, then you remember… I HAVE A POP TART!!! Then life is suddenly 99×10^3 times better.) So, yeah, I think that pretty much sums up my view on Pop Tarts. Have I ever mentioned that I like Altoids…?