Poe

“The Raven” like You’ve Never Heard it (Probably)

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So, I got a Mac a while back, and something I’ve always wanted to do was create a song in Garageband. I’ve never played any instruments other than the trumpet and trombone, and neither of those lend well to digital music.

Garageband has a huge library of loops. I started to play with different combinations, and I finally decided on the words I wanted to use. So, without any further ado, I give you The Raven (rap).

Yep. That’s that.

Please excuse the mis-pronunciation of “quaff” and “beak.” If I ever re-record it, I’ll fix my gaffs. 

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How to Write a Story

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A purpose or message is usually meant to be conveyed in any grouping of words that work together to purposefully mar the blank nothingness of the medium upon which they are placed. Often, however, the collection is not quite arranged in a cohesive manner. If you struggle with this common hardship–that is, the proper conveyance of meaning through written form–I am sorry. To tell the truth, I am no expert on the subject either. In fact, my word arrangements often lose their points when presented to their intended audiences, but my ineptitude has never before stopped me from telling others how to do things.

First of all, and perhaps most obviously, the author must connect the story with his or her reader. This object is most often reached through the use of characters and other plot devices that are commonly recognized. Like magic rings or mad scientists. The characters must be relatable in some way. Humorous people, confused people, blonde people, puppies, kittens, and Pop Tarts are all great objects to use. For creativity points, try combining some or all of those: a humorous, confused blonde puppy who likes Pop Tarts.  

Emotion (for some strange reason) is a powerful tool to use when writing. The goal of most authors is to make the characters’ actions believable. The story of a happy boy and his puppy will invoke pleasant feelings unless you’re a emo cat person, while the tale of an evil undead cat with an owner who murders his wife will probably disturb people. I’m looking at you, Poe.

Depending on the length of the story, background can be quite useful. A lengthy tale that contains many complex characters is much more difficult to write, but when properly executed, the end result is fantastic. Requirements: Capacity to think deeply on many levels, strong imagination, good fashion sense, and an eventful childhood in an 19th or 20th century European country.

Finally, a plot is often quite useful in the writing of a story. Whilst words can be collected and grouped without any real advancement of meaning or evolution of purpose, the abstract is generally left to lesser-known or simply crazy authors. Like me.   

So that is how you write a story; let me demonstrate with a short example:

Once upon a time, a kitten and a puppy were sitting in a field. The field is awash with all sorts of beautiful colors and wonderful things, for the scene is set inside of a portrait. As the portrait is being completed, the painter decides to add some more interesting elements. She is at a bit of a loss, but she soon resolves her dilemma.

The kitten and puppy were soon joined by a happy boy who was clad in bright colors and joyous expressions. Alongside of him ran a girl who was wearing a sun dress and a quaint hat. Everyone is eating Pop Tarts. The kitten is very fuzzy.
The End

If that didn’t make you smile, you should go see a therapist.

Cheers!
~XK