10 Things Every Boy Should Own

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This is a list of things that every boy (no matter the age) should own. So sit back, put on your reading glasses, and enjoy!

  • Item X: Various Fasteners – Everything needs to fastened sometime or another. Whether it be tools, forts in the woods, or little brothers. I recommend always having duct tape, rope, and a collection of glue on hand at all times. Tip: glue a coin to the driveway and watch people’s reactions.
  • Item IX: A Collection (of something) – It really doesn’t matter what. I happen to collect old cameras and rocks. and coins and keys… Every boy should have a collection of something to show off to his friends and family. I even recommend having a collection of something fairly boring. When you want someone to leave, just whip out your old sock collection!
  • Item IIX: Flashlights – You never know when you’ll be trapped somewhere with no natural lighting; that’s why I have a lot of flashlights. I think that you should have at least three different types of flashlights. A small, compact bright flashlight; a headlamp stupid looking but incredibly handy; and a large, incredibly bright flashlight. I recommend a Maglight.
  • Item VII: Batteries – Along the lines of tape, this rather mundane but necessary item is a must have. All of those flashlights have to work somehow! You can also plug two 9-volts together and make little heaters. Just… be careful, sometimes they blow up. 
  • Item VI: Fire-Making Instruments – One of the most important or at least fun items on this list contains fire. I have a few different types of lighters, a flint and steel, and a few other means of ignition. I would say that a cigar lighter is my favorite, it burns hot and fast, and uses simple butane fuel. And you can get them cheap at Wal*Mart.
  • Item V: Chopping Devices – You never know when you might need to chop down a tree. I found that my machete (a Gerber Gator with a saw on the other side of the blade) was an invaluable companion with me on my last backpacking trip. I also own some other machetes, a few saws, a hatchet, and various power tools.
  • Item IV: Knives – Very similar to chopping devices, this one is a more personal item. I recommend that every boy should have at least 10 knives. A pocket knife for each day of the week, plus a large knife, a multitool, and a swiss army knife. Knives are tools, not weapons, so to any motherly type people out there: don’t get too nervous. I’ve only cut myself badly enough to go to the hospital once…
  • Item III: Projectiles – and the thing with which to fire said projectiles. This includes air guns, real guns, bows, slingshots, catapults, and swingsets. Air guns and slingshots are absolutely necessary when there is an excess of plastic bottles or other targets too unfortunate to consider moving elsewhere.
  • Item II: Legos – The most important and necessary part of any boy’s life, Legos are a must-have. These wonderful playthings are the stock of any good toy-box and will carry memories for years. If diamonds are a girl’s best friend, then Legos are a boy’s. Speaking of which, have you seen the new Pirates sets? 
  • Item I: Pop Tarts – You knew I couldn’t make a list without including these. Pop tarts are the most delectable and perfect of the prepackaged pastries currently known. An absolute requirement for any ration box or collection of food, these are perfect for traipsing into the wilderness, playing games, or satisfying midnight snack desires. Don’t leave home without them.  For uses of pop tarts, see a previous post entitled get this Pop-Tarts.

There you have it. My complete listing of the top ten things all boys of any age should own. I have one particular item that is pretty amazing. An old 600 watt super-8 video light. What’s so special about that? You can light anything and burn anything with it. I’ve caught a 2×4 on fire with just this light. I highly recommend it to the nocturnal pyromaniacs out there.
Have a good one!

The Journey of a Thousand Meters – Pt. 1

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The wind was howling above my head as I ventured out of my cave and into the midst of the open land. The huge towers of vegetation loomed above my head like the legs of a giant praying mantis as I wandered among the forest of these monstrosities. A large armored animal ambled by as I checked for the scent trail that was left by the scouts. My goal was to find this wondrous cache of food that had so recently been discovered. The scouts had been overwhelmed (and nearly overwhelmed us) with their delight and pure incredulity at the enormous potential that was embodied in their find. It was not all positive feedback that they had brought though. A shadow had passed over their ecstatic demeanors as they had begun to relate where this phenomenal discovery had been made. More on that later though, my thoughts snapped back into the present and I began to take inventory of my location as I continued upon the track left by the scouts.

Suddenly the world grew dark. It was for only an instant, yet the warnings that the few elders in our tribe had drilled into our heads as young ones caused me to scamper for cover. The horrible, mind rending screech that followed caused my heart to skip a beat as I cowered beneath a boulder. The terrible cry of the winged beast was followed by tens and hundreds more. These huge flocks had become quite common as of late, their grating, ear-splitting vocalizations haunting us as we strove to go about our daily work. Fortunately, this grouping of the creatures passed far above in the great expanse that covered all things.

I often marveled at the wondrous size of all of my surroundings. The elders had stories of how this world had come to be, that we were but of the lower orders, the gigantic bipeds that menaced us with the poisons and other horrors were made to rule over all else by One who was all knowing and more powerful than any other. These were the stories, and we had no reason to doubt them, our duty is to survive, and continue about our business of providing for our tribe.

CRASH!! What seemed like an earthquake ensued. I latched onto a nearby tower with all of my strength. The world continued to shake with repetitious crashes and quakes. The darkness that had accompanied the winged beast now enveloped me again, the warmth of the midday sun vanished in an instant. I debated between climbing higher up, and exposing myself, or attempting to hide in one of the miniature canyons below. I chose the former option, and as I ascended I was amazed at what I saw…   (Part 2)