Letters

A Thoughtpiece

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I have coined a new phrase, or at least I think I have. It pertains to pieces of writings, and I shall use it as such.

thoughtpiece (n)|xk| — a piece of a thought, esp. when referring to written opinions and personal expressions.

Has a nice ring to it, doesn’t it? Rather Orwellian. Anyway, I think I shall use this term when referring to my blog posts. This just seems like a such a concise and final term. Complex, simple, and to the point. Does that even make sense?

This is not you. And now, I present to you a thoughtpiece on driving.

Dearest people of the world, I have but a humble request for you: learn to drive!

For starters, let us examine the steering column upon which the wheel with which you steer your vehicle is mounted. On either the left or right side is a stick/knob/lever. This perplexing device, which you seem to have very little knowledge of, allows you to activate lights mounted on the exterior of your car. Interestingly enough, when you move the switch in one direction, lights on one side of your car blink, letting others know that you intend to turn, the converse is also true. We call this the turn signal. USE IT.

Another tip, while we are still examining the interior of your vehicle. You have probably discovered that when driving at night, it is dark. You seem to have adequately remedied this fault by turning on your lights. Good. I’m glad that you have found how to make these function. Let me tell you a secret, though. Your lights have two settings, one of them is called bright. You don’t need to have them on this setting when people are driving towards you. YOU ARE BLINDING PEOPLE.

We have touched on some etiquette in the previous points, but now let us move on to pure etiquette. One interesting thing about our roadways is that they have speed limits. These are maximum speeds at which we are legally allowed to drive. While you can go somewhat slower than the limit, great deviance is not recommended. Here’s why. When you do not go the speed limit, you make people angry. Angry people  do stupid things. You might die. GO THE SPEED LIMIT. (This is especially true on two lane highways on which people cannot easily pass you.)

If you use a cell phone while you are driving, that is perfectly fine with me. I do not discriminate. If you, however, cannot drive and use a cell phone at the same time, please don’t do either. The world will be a better place.

Finally, if you drive a moped, please don’t hog the center of the road. I will run you over. In my mind.

Cheers,
Chris

I Enjoy Silly Things (life is good)

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It’s true. For example, today I pondered the loveliness of pieces of celery that have been cooked in soup. I love celery that’s been cooked in soup.

Also, I like the letters Q, X, Y, and V, and I love to write capital “L”s in cursive.

I love the feeling that I get when I brush my teeth after not having done so for a fair bit of time.

I enjoy showers, especially hot showers.

I find old film cameras particularly engaging.

I like drinking coffee laden with voluminous amounts of sugar and cream. Brownie_Film

I like singing, (though others may not enjoy the resulting sound).

Though the longevity of the resulting order is seldom great, I like to organize things.

I like most animals, though I hold goats in disdain.

I love sitting outside in the dark, listening to the world go about its business.

I love traveling and seeing things new to my eyes.

I like writing.

I guess I like silly things.

I don’t, however, like goodbyes. So, see you next time!

~ Chris

To the Irresponsible Procrastinators…

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You have totally ruined the name of procrastinators the world over. Have you ever stopped to consider–no, I suppose you haven’t. You see, we (the responsible procrastinators) use our procrastination for the betterment of our kind. We watch youtube videos, listen to music, read wikipedia, and do other useful things that increase our general and specific knowledges. You have ruined our reputation, however, by your irresponsibility and overall lack of self control and propriety.

Procrastination is not inherently bad. Many good things come out of procrastination. For example, I would probably never have found out that Tolkien made four different alphabets for his Middle Earth; I would never have  found this awesome beard, and who knows, I might never have found this awesome duck comic. Your indiscretion has soiled the title of procrastinator forever. Thanks.

Oh, you don’t know what I’m talking about? Let’s go over this and get the lay of the land.

Countless teachers, bosses, and evil overlords have long held this practice as a prime example of reckless and foolhardy behavior. I beg, as I have begged many times before, to differ. I’m a proud procrastinator. The habit is embedded in my nature. I prefer the term of collateral productivity, though. You see, procrastination has been given its ill-earned disreputable flavor due to the countless antics of those people who choose to use it as an excuse to fail. Procrastination is not akin to failure! Let us be clear on this note. Instead, procrastination should be viewed as a tool with which to accomplish things we would never do otherwise without an adequate excuse. The irresponsible of the world, however, have ruined the concept. They have taken procrastination and procrastinated even the time needed to stop procrastinating. What do I have to say? Stop it! Let us procrastinate in peace.

To all of you who are responsible in your procrastination, thank you. You have helped to uphold the reputation of a long-held establishment. Let us work to rebuild its name. Let us gather together under the banner of procrastination and take back the respect that is rightfully ours! Fellow so-called slackers, let’s do this! …tomorrow…

Here’s to a terribly good day,
~ XK

As a side note, this marks the 100 post mark for XanthusKidd! That’s a lot of inanity… Thanks for reading and all the encouragement I’ve received from you, my readers!