59 Reasons a Rubber Ducky is Better than an iPad

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You know it to be true, but let me reinforce the statement with some cold, squeaky quacks, err… facts. Here are 59 reasons why rubber duckies are better than iPads.

  1. They don’t require recharging.
  2. They’re far cheaper.
  3. They squeak.
  4. They’re far cuter.
  5. No cables required.
  6. They’re usually yellow.
  7. They have beaks.
  8. You can play with them in the tub. Safely.
  9. They never crash.
  10. You don’t have to update them every year.
  11. They’re more compact.
  12. They’re far lighter.
  13. You can throw them at your friends.
  14. You can use them to play fetch with your dog.
  15. You can throw them into a pool.
  16. They can be used on a plane–even during take-off and landing.
  17. They work in any language.
  18. They don’t need 3G or Wifi.
  19. You can write on them.
  20. You can hit them with a baseball bat.
  21. You can drop them from a window.
  22. You can fling them from a catapult.
  23. They work well as profile pictures.
  24. They cross cultural bounds.
  25. They can be used to safely amuse small children.
  26. They never tell you anything you don’t want to hear.
  27. They don’t require a password to use.
  28. You can buy them at a dollar store.
  29. You don’t have to keep them dry.
  30. They need no special cases.
  31. They don’t need a screen protector.
  32. If they do take over the world, that’ll be alright.
  33. You can’t take pictures with them, but you can take pictures with them.
  34. You can use them as puppets.
  35. You can carry them in your pockets.
  36. Having multiple doesn’t make you look like a tool.
  37. It’s not illegal to hack them, but it is cruel.
  38. They can be crushed and still function.
  39. They don’t freeze unless it’s cold.
  40. They can safely pass through a washing machine.
  41. Rain does not bother a ducky.
  42. Rubber duckies were featured on Sesame Street.
  43. They don’t conduct electricity.
  44. If you lose your iPad, you’re out at least $400.
  45. You can buy rubber duckies in bulk.
  46. They come in many different themes.
  47. Nobody ever complains about a ducky’s lack of Flash support.
  48. Rubber duckies come with all of the upgrades you’ll ever need.
  49. You can color on them with sharpies.
  50. Nobody ever has to ask you which version you have.
  51. You never have to worry about purchasing more apps for them.
  52. Hotels sometimes give them away.
  53. You can safely tape them to ceilings.
  54. Rubber duckies inspire love, not envy.
  55. Rubber duckies never lose your contacts.
  56. Rubber duckies cause no brand wars.
  57. They never die.
  58. Your friends can’t hack your Facebook with your ducky.
  59. Patent wars held over rubber duckies are far more amusing.

There you have it. 59 reasons why rubber duckies are better than iPads. Really, it’s a personal decision, but you see where my loyalties lie. iPads are pretty and all, and sure, they’re good for some things, but they’ll never replace the rubber duckies.