Essays

Collateral Productivity

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So… let’s talk about procrastination. (and don’t say you’ll read this later.) I’m sure you’ve heard the jokes before, “Procrastinators Unite! (Tomorrow)” etc… But seriously, let’s take a look at this so called “problem.”

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Really, procrastination isn’t a huge problem with most people; let me explain why. Let’s say you have to do something, (walk your dog, write a paper, take a shower…) it’s something that you really should do, but you really don’t want to do it.

Now (building off the shower example), you’ve needed to take a shower for about a week now, you stink a bit, and people really don’t want to come near you. You should probably do it. You have other ideas though. You get on Facebook, write a paper, read a book, eat a cookie, eat ten cookies, wonder why there aren’t any pop tarts… anyway, I digress. Now, unless you’re one of those people that seriously doesn’t do anything when they’re procrastinating, (i.e. You sit in your chair staring blankly at the wall pondering how many bananas it would take to make a tribe of 20 monkeys happy for a year.) I have a viable excuse that you can use.

You aren’t procrastinating, you are accomplishing other tasks as a result of waylaying the completion of another. This is a tactic I like to call “Collateral Productivity.” You’re being productive, (I mean, socialization is key to good relationships, that paper seriously needed to be written, you learned a lot from that book on Star Wars, and really… those cookies were going to go stale soon anyways…) so procrastination really isn’t a good term. So the next time someone accuses you of procrastinating, look them square in the eyes and say, “I was being collaterally productive, thank you very much.” If you say it with enough confidence, you might even get away with it. 😉
Cheers!
~XK

P.S. – This is not a tactic recommended for use on school work, real work, important work , work with deadlines, or breakfast. Hierarchy of importance is key in these matters. So, go ahead, skip showering for a week, but really, don’t do it if you have a job interview, recruiters want to get to know you, but not that well.

P.P.S. – I don’t personally skip showers, that’d be nasty.