It was upon the night of the ninth of June, twelve years past the second millennium, that this oddity so rudely occurred. This recollection is my own, and I grant that only one other may corroborate my tale: Mme. S——. The night was not particularly young, and Selene was well on her way into her nightly journey.
The urge came upon me to fix some form of edibles, for it had been some hours since I had last dined. I freely admit, the quality of those recipes that come from my head are not always of the most ordinary sort. Not to say that they lack quality, but they are not the type that one would flaunt in view of those trained in the culinary arts. On the evening in question, however, it came into my head that a recipe of surpassing uniqueness should be developed, yet, I was not inclined to take upon myself the awkward task of compiling, using, and washing so many dishes as to make the situation unnecessarily lengthy. I decided, after some thought, to create a new recipe for the popping of corn–the usual use of butter and popcorn salt becoming quite quotidian.
Had I been under any deep conviction or devotion to my task, I would have endeavored to scour the cabinets much more thoroughly. As I have hinted before, however, I did not wish to lengthen the process by any means. So, with nary a thought as to the olfactory results of such a concoction, I created what I thought would be a supreme triumph of kitchen-work. Here I was deceived, yet only in part. To be certain, the taste itself was quite unique, and not at all in a negative fashion. The smell emitted from such a mixture, however; that was a dreadful result! The punishment for my crimes was indeed the very result of my actions.
I would lay out before my readers the exact mixture used in the formulation of this disaster, were I not afraid of harming others without a thought for their own noses. I shall keep it a secret, though, and no evidences shall be kept as to hint at the spices used in the making of that hideous dish.
Read this note and keep it as a warning to yourself and others. Beware of what you mix in a pot. The stove holds more dangers than one might first imagine.
This is a continuation of Food Theory — Part 2.
Over the centuries, many different sub-concepts and theories have evolved from the human knowledge of food. Some of the strangest and most interesting were developed by a
wacko psychologist named Sigmund Freud. It’s not what you think.
Freud was obsessed with one particular aspect of human nature: hunger. Freud proposed that every action taken, both intentional and subconscious, is fueled in some way by hunger. Through his methods of tropsyanalysis don’t bother looking it up, just try to remember your Greek and free association, Freud was able to draw many interesting conclusions about the nature of the appetite. Freud found that many people were hungry as children; they grew up wanting food, yet they were denied it by their parents. Freud expanded his repression theory to include multiple factors. He proposed that people who dislike certain foods do so because they were overfed those foods as a child. Traumatic experiences with badly cooked food were also blamed for aversions to certain foods. Remember that time you were attacked by that huge killer donut? No, Freud didn’t think you would…
Through his method of free association, Freud was able to discover what he thought were the underlying problems with many people’s appetites. Patients would be given a variety of foods and asked to report their associations with each. Tastes like chicken…
One of Freud’s most controversial theories is the Edibles Complex. Freud stated that all children wish to eat their parents’ food. Babies are given baby food, but they desire to take their parents’ and eat anything that is edible. Using this theory, Freud justified many cases of theft, covetousness, and even murder. Anything, in Freud’s eyes, could be justified if the perpetrator was hungry enough. Even Grand Larceny of Pop tarts. That’s a pretty big deal.
Freud states that all people are born liking everything, yet they develop appetites and dislikes for certain foods due to their surroundings and upbringing. This is why most people from the North dislike sweet tea. They have been raised to abhor that Southern delicacy which all truly awesome people like.
Thankfully Unfortunately, Sigmund had a propensity for cigars. He was warned that smoking them would endanger his health, but he ignored the advice and continued smoking–citing his theory that his hunger for cigars was naturally unavoidable. Eventually, he developed cancer and persuaded his doctor help him commit suicide. After administering lethal amounts of pancakes, Freud’s doctor declared him dead. This is why I have never written on pancakes. I try to steer clear of potentially controversial topics.