Christmas Trees

The Unsung Victims of Christmas

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The holiday season: that joyous time of merriment and rampant celebration. The cookies are baked en masse, the candy canes adorn the store shelves, and the eggnog flows freely for all. All, that is, but that most oppressed and downtrodden of species. The bulk of the open and freely-displayed bigotry may be gone from this earth, but there remains a most atrocious display of commonly overlooked and generally condoned discrimination.

Of course, by now you’re most likely not a little confused; perhaps you may even be wondering what it is that I am speaking of. To display such forward and clearly convinced conjecture as that to which I have just mustered my efforts to put forth, the stakes must indeed be high. Before you read any further, however, I must tell you that this is indeed one of those posts that I write in a rather silly mood, and it does not present any real bearing upon any situation at present.

So, what is that species which is so brutally treated by the bulk of humanity in such civilized times as these? But of course, it is the Christmas Tree! Every year, tens of millions of Americans set forth upon a journey to choose the most perfectly-formed tree with which to adorn their respective abodes. In the traditional rituals, the family members would suit up for the cold weather, pick their weapons of choice, and embark on a mission to purge a coniferous trunk of the wonderful conical shrub that grew from its roots. The poor, innocent pine cones had no idea that one day they would grow into a beautiful, viridian-hued masterpiece that would be so cruelly hacked apart and tied into a bundle, only to later be once-more raised in the form of a living room embellishment.

Since the advent of electricity and the Christmas light, the world has grown into an even harsher place for the Christmas Trees. They are thrust into an often-neglected watering stand and left in the warm, dry environments of the common house. The lights will periodically short, or the wires will fray; then the tree will become engulfed in the terrible flames of its own needles. Needless to say, this is an improvement from the terribly barbaric methods that involved candles and open flames. The only consolation lies in the fact that the oppressors’ homes are often brought down in the martyrs’ luminous departure.

So, remember this humble tragedy the next time you venture into a store or out into the woods to fetch a tree to add a bit of flourish to your decor. The Christmas Trees have already suffered so much, will you really compound their pain with your own selfish motives?

Of course, to put forth such a blatant admonition and accusation of such horrible wrongs without also suggesting reform would be almost as terrible as participating in the oppression myself. In the stead of Christmas Trees, I propose that we should use boulders. Boulders are both commonplace and multitudinous throughout many regions of this world. They are largely useless in their current forms and quite incapable of feeling the oppressive will that is turned towards them. Boulders are non-flammable and they do not require constant renewal of fluid sustenance. They can be painted and decorated to match any home in which they are placed. It is a humble, and perhaps unique, suggestion, but do not shun it merely for the traditions of your culture. Consider the pain and suffering which we have inflicted upon the trees, then make your decision. The choice is yours.