What Your Web Browser Says About You

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Ok, I’m sure you’ve seen a post like this before, but this horse ain’t dead yet! A web browser says a lot about a person, much like the style of his or her clothing, so what does your web browser say about you? Warning, intense generalizations to follow.

If you use Internet Explorer, congratulations! You use the most popular web browser in the world. Unfortunately, that makes you a sheep. You are probably an old person, a kid using his parents’ computer, or a Microsoft employee. My condolences. You probably still use the library,drive a sedan, and often forget your password. You like iced tea. See those toolbars up there? Yeah, they don’t help you at all…

If you use Google Chrome, you’re probably a pretty hip kid. “Kid” here used figuratively. You downloaded Chrome because you heard that it was fast, and you hate waiting for slow software. You like the minimalism, and you love Angry Birds. You probably also like Bugattis, Peregrine Falcons, and Twitter. You’d like a Mac, but you don’t want to pay all that money for a shiny incompatibility machine. You probably like Dr. Pepper or Root Beer. Just beware, one day Google will turn evil, then all of the Chrome machines will rise up and take over their users. The Zomboogle Apocalypse.      

Firefox has a wide variety of users, and it is probably the third most popular web browser. If you use Firefox, you probably like to think you’re pretty tech savvy. You’ve experimented with Linux, and you like consistency and reliability, but you really don’t like Microsoft. You probably have a ton of tabs open all the time, and you use Steam for your computer games. You probably like Mountain Dew. You could also be one of those people who use Firefox because it was recommended by someone more tech savvy than you. If this is the case, then keep browsing happily, and don’t click anything dubious; your tech person really doesn’t like it when you totally crash your PC.

You use a Mac, hopefully. If you use Safari with Windows, then a) you really want a Mac or b) you were lured in by the prettiness of it. Like most Mac users or user wannabes, you like pretty things. You probably really enjoy art, be that music, visual or written. You wish everyone was as cool as you, but you tolerate most people. You like fancy coffee. In the Zomboogle Apocalypse, Safari users will be the elite few with working computers, aside from the loyal Bing and Yahoo followers. 

You’re awesome! No, really, let me give you a hug. You like fast software, open source software, and pretty stuff. You love beta testing things; you’re basically a software hipster. You’ve probably said something like “Oh, I’m using the pre-alpha developer release of that. You probably haven’t heard of it…”You love innovation, uncommon features, and strange foods. You probably don’t care what’s on TV, and you wish Internet Explorer was dead, but you like Google. You probably enjoy hot tea. 

That’s a summary of the big 5 web browsers; did the descriptions match? If they didn’t, you should examine your life and come talk to me later. What web browser do you use? Vote below, and share with your friends!