Books

The Physical Intangible

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A tuba sat next to the wall – neglected by all appearances. The dust was thick on most surfaces, and anybody could tell what was used regularly by the lack of dust. A fairly-clean pair of glasses sat next to an extremely dusty old television set, and a barely-visible stack of envelopes sat next to a somewhat polished typewriter.

The furniture was that of a bachelor. A single armchair sat in the corner, next to a small round side-table. A few books, mostly classics, were piled on the table. The wood floor was spotted here and there with throw rugs of various shapes and smells. An ancient phonograph hummed from its stand, some vaguely familiar tune. A man sat in the chair, talking to an uninterested cat.  

“…and to be honest, I was treated with… um… utter… uh… hold on…”

The man stood up and half-walked, half-stumbled over to the opposite wall, which, other than the man himself, was the most interesting aspect of the room. Dressed in some form of loose-fitting night clothes, he looked rather ridiculous as he shuffled across the living room floor. His hair was disheveled and his beard fluffed out like an upside-down afro. The cat twitched his tail and turned his head to follow his human. The cat glanced briefly at the wall as his human reached it, but cats really aren’t interested in most inanimate things that can’t be made to roll across the floor.

The wall was one of those impressive bookshelves that one might find in an old library or mansion. A ladder on rollers was fitted to the wall, and the man could reach any part of any shelf by merely rolling the ladder back and forth, which he often did just to amuse himself. The shelves, ladder, and contents of the shelves, I might add, were the cleanest things in the room. Not a trace of dust was to be found on any of them.

“Umm…. Let’s see here,” the man muttered and mumbled under his breath as he slid expertly on the ladder along the wall.

“con… con.. continent, California, caliphate, concentrate, congenial, oh.. wait… gee…” he slid back along the wall in the other direction.

He rummaged through the objects on the shelves as he went.

“Ah ha! Geniality! It was right on the tip of my tongue; I could picture it and hear it, but I couldn’t say it, Tabs.” The cat watched a fly buzz around the room. “Yes, it was a welcoming atmosphere, to be sure, but I….” his voice droned on as the fly came just a bit too close to Tabs.

The man placed the little carving of “geniality” back on the shelf. The words all quivered as he climbed back down the ladder. Tens of thousands of combinations of letters. They all sat proudly in their spots in his physical vocabulary.

“Anyway… huh… you don’t care, do you, Tabs?” He picked up his book and began to read. “Ooh… there’s a new one.” Setting his book back on the little table, he set to work whittling a few letters out a block of wood, and Tabs batted the wood shavings as they fell.

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The Best Dictionary Ever — Volume II

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I almost forgot about this series, but thankfully, I found this draft in my archives. This is a continuation of The Best Dictionary Ever. Read on to be enlightened.

More Important Things Explained

~~~

Cats: Generally considered evil masterminds, these animals are actually just here to observe our race. They care nothing for either mastering nor destroying the earth; they wish merely to upset the established order and spread a little chaos. All in the name of science, of course.

Books: A legal drug, approved and even promoted by most progressive governments and educational systems. Used to alleviate depression, boredom, and other ailments of the mind. Side-effects include dizziness, upset stomach, depression, sadness, drowsiness, obsessive behavior, and mild paper cuts.

Dictionaries: Drab things that exist primarily to confirm or deny the existence of allegedly misused words.

Dogs: These animals are like the UN of the animal world. They try to keep all of the other animals from disrupting the peace; in the process, however, they usually just make matters worse.

Facebook: A website designed to collect all of the excess “spare time” on our planet. Although touted as a social networking site, it has the side effect of gradually decaying most people’s actual social life. It is assumed by some that this will be used as a a weapon in the impending Zomboogle Apocalypse.

Music: That wonderful tool with which we can annoy, enlighten, bring joy to, or depress any person whom we choose (as long as said person is not deaf).

Spotify: The best internet music application ever.  

The Zomboogle Apocalypse: Despite Google’s insinuation that they are a good-loving organization, they will eventually turn all unsuspecting Google users into zombies. Only Mac users and careful internet users will be spared (definition pending).

To be continued…?

~~~

Peace
~ XK

In other news, (I’ll soon be announcing it officially), there’s a new button in the menu at the top of my blog. Check it out?

What I am, should be, [and] will be doing.

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I must apologize to all of you who have subscribed to my blog. I started my first real full-time job a little over a month ago, and although we were told that overtime would be sporadic, I have worked every Saturday since I started. The good thing is, I get extra money; unfortunately, that means I have to be at work to get paid (funny how that works).

Anyhow, here is a list of things I am working on, planning to work on, and things that I should do.

Things I’m working on:

  • A new installment in the best dictionary ever.
  • An “all things nerdy” guide for non-nerds.
  • A post on books (this one’s taking me a while).

Things I should be working on: 

Things I will be doing:

  • Making a video for AP. 
  • Doing some more creative photography.
  • Eating Pop Tarts.
  • Watching The Dark Knight Rises this weekend. 
  • Posting something new very soon.


This was my “I’m still alive and writing” post. I promise that I’ll have something posted very soon! In the meantime, I’m going to go to bed so that I can get up at 5:30 tomorrow…

So, how’s your summer been?

Peace,
~ XK