Series and Serials

If Tech Companies Were In Charge of Holidays…

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…the press releases might read something like these.

Halloween 2 (Apple)

It’s the same holiday that you know and love, but we’ve made it even easier to celebrate. With over 25 million sweet stations, and a customizable candy choice, you can celebrate this iconic event from the comfort of your own city. With the Halloween 2, we’ve brought the holiday industry to new heights with new features such as Treats 2.0, iTricks, and Find My Gnome. Our revolutionary new Sweet Tooth bluetooth headset will let you post where you’ve found the best treats in your town or wherever you are! Find My Gnome is a convenient feature built into every Sweet Tooth; GPS signals allow you to track Sweet Tooths registered to your family. Rest assured that you’ll be able to find your way out of (or into) any scary situation.

With iTricks, just hold your iOS device against a prospective haunt, choose your flavor, and play a scary tone. Getting into the season has never been easier. Pre-order your Sweet Tooth today, and prepare yourself for the Halloween 2.

Easter (Facebook)

We’re excited to announce the best Easter yet: Easter 2014. Whether you plan to tag your friends in a new album or tag along with them to a relaxing picnic, we’ve got you covered. Our new News Feed is the same News Feed that we’ve always had, but this one is even more complicated and works better at least half of the time! With only one or two sponsored posts, and your settings staying set for an entire day, you are sure to enjoy the social scene this Easter. We’ve decorated our site in a lovely spring blue, and we’ve complicated the security settings even more! Make sure to have your Instagram app open and ready to capture all of your friends for filing in our extensive government database. (Also, do you know this person? You have 17 mutual friends.)

Memorial Day (Twitter)

It’s one of those Federal holidays that the majority of people really don’t know why it exists, and we know that you’ll want to document every minute of it in 140 characters or less. We’ve made sure that we won’t get hacked again anytime soon, and tons of celebrities will be posting valuable tidbits about their personal lives, and others’ personal lives. And how they hate that everyone is prying into their personal lives. And flame wars when someone says something perceivably racist or sexist. Actually, on second thought, just follow Death Star PR or Emergency Kittens.

President’s Day (Tumblr) 

We know that the only names you’ll recognize are George Washington, Abraham Lincoln, Obama, and John F. Kennedy, so we’re just going to continue posting clever GIFs.Tumblr's Contrib

Thanksgiving (Digg) 

Be Thankful for that iPhone
How the pilgrims survived that journey without Angry Birds.

Cooking Big Bird
Is America’s Turkey Obsession Unhealthy?

You’re Awesome (*sponsored link*)
Click it so we can make some money.

Several Buildings Explode in Another Country
You’ll click on this link because the US is obsessed with violence.

The Mayflower Didn’t Exist
It’s all a conspiracy to get you to spend money.

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Christmas (Google)

Because we’re the most benevolent and wonderful company in the world, we’ve decided to give you an awesome drawing of our logo. Make sure to like it and share it on Google+! We also have put our Google Glasses on sale! $1400 buys you a pair of glasses with which you can search anything in the world! Download our newest version of Google Maps, which gives the location of every publicly available fir tree that you can chop down for yourself! Happy Holidays!

Anyway, have a good weekend! 


the scribblings of a maniac – pt 1

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The world seems to have lost, if not everything, then at least something. When I read of the chaos of this planet’s chief inhabitants, and when I walk out into the cities and towns surrounding me, I see nothing but hopelessness. Hope is there, certainly, but it exists not in the tangible, solid, and ever-present grandeur that defines this mess. The world is in chaos, and salvation does not seem likely.

Connection is, perhaps, what the world needs, but everything is connected. Roads span continents, and shipping lanes and airplanes can take a man wherever he desires. The phone lines and invisible wires of radio that entangle the atmosphere connect all to all. The mass of servers and computers and phones and all manner of electronic devices has woven itself into our society, yet the connection is not there. Cliques and clubs and schools of thought all converge and connect and mingle, but the outsiders have no place. Even those organizations created to connect the forgotten alienate by their very nature.

To walk through a crowded street in one of those seething anthills of people and their vehicles brings on an overwhelming sense of alone.

So much noise.

So many people.

Yet none even look twice.

Families walking through the parks look so content, sometimes. At others I see the parents and their children at odds: yelling, glaring, fussing, and pouting. Why? They have connections. They have love. They have a place to stay and an environment that provides. They hate their Audis because they are not the Mercedes, and they wish that their yacht was a bit larger than the one next door. Is this a reason to be discontented? From whence does it come?

I walk through a dirty, rough, sweaty street in a country that has the wealth of a large US-run business. The kids that play on the side of the road do so with playthings made of trash and old clothes. The clothes that serve their intended purpose look as though they had done so for many years, and would not for too many more. People watch as I walk by, and the dead stares give away nothing but a slight interest in the change of scenery. The children are a bit more interested, but they look more for what I might throw to them. Is there candy in that pocket?

The connection here is lost, or perhaps it never was. People live to survive; people die; the world spins, and the moon continues to stare on in silence.

Music floats down the roads. The sounds of people engaged. The words are obscured, but the tune is old and the sounds fervent. Here, perhaps, is a connection. I receive looks as I walk in the door, but the welcomes are hollow. Perhaps they are out of necessity. Perhaps they are not true. Perhaps they could be, but I am not listening.

Fade to black.

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Music Time!

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These are some of my favorite soft songs. No descriptions for these, just music.

05. Wedding / Funeral (Anchor and Braille)

04. Your Song [Ellie Goulding (Elton John cover)]

03. The Unwinding Cable Car (Anberlin)

02. Seven Seas (Golden Youth)


01. Frail (Jars of Clay)

That’s it for now! Enjoy the music.

As always, the music is saved to this Spotify playlist, so check it out if you have the program or app!