I Need Friends

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EDIT: THIS POSITION HAS BEEN CUT DUE TO LACK OF BUDGET FUNDING, THE ECONOMY, AND RENEWED AWESOMENESS OF CURRENT FRIENDS. PLEASE NOTE THAT THE FOLLOWING POSITIONS ARE STILL OPEN: SOCIAL FRIENDSHIP, LONG-DISTANCE & SOCIAL FRIENDSHIP, LOCAL. 
THIS ANNOUNCEMENT EFFECTIVE APRIL 2, 2013.

To be honest, I’m getting tired of a lot of my friends. Many of them have been my friends since we were quite young, and after all these years together, I think it’s time for me to make some changes.

I don’t want to come across as crass or uncaring, but I really am just tired of the same people all the time.

Thus, I have introduced an application for new best friends. The application is short and concise, and I hope to gain many new awesome friends this way. I will be reviewing submissions and sending out pink slips to current friends as positions are filled.

You can download and print the document below to fill out.

Thanks! You guys are the best!
~ Chris

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22 thoughts on “I Need Friends

    happinessisnotadisease said:
    1 April , 2013 at 10:52

    Okay, this made me laugh.

      happinessisnotadisease said:
      1 April , 2013 at 10:54

      Not that I’m making fun of you or anything–it’s such a new way on the making friends thing–but I think it’s great!

        xanthuskidd responded:
        1 April , 2013 at 12:18

        Protip #85: Always read the tags. ;D

        happinessisnotadisease said:
        1 April , 2013 at 12:42

        Uh oh. I can’t see the tags in my mobile but I kinda have a feeling what it says. Nyaha! 😀

        xanthuskidd responded:
        1 April , 2013 at 15:23

        -like-

    Rachel Allison said:
    1 April , 2013 at 11:30

    haha… I’m totally filling this out…

      xanthuskidd responded:
      1 April , 2013 at 15:24

      All applicants are welcome.

        Rachel Allison said:
        1 April , 2013 at 16:39

        How exactly does one go about this? I mean…. it cannot be filled out on the computer (or at least I cannot figure out how to do that), so do I print it off, fill it out, scan it and e-mail it to you? lol

      xanthuskidd responded:
      1 April , 2013 at 17:29

      The methodology used is part of the test. 😉

    nothingprofound said:
    1 April , 2013 at 13:45

    Chris, I’m interested, but I have to know the salary first, and whether it includes moving expenses.

      xanthuskidd responded:
      1 April , 2013 at 15:21

      Hello there sir, everything really depends on your performance on the application, past experience, and whether or not you pass the anti-drug test. Salary and moving costs are negotiable, though long-distance friendship positions are always available.

    melodylowes said:
    1 April , 2013 at 14:10

    Haha! I want to be on your review board, to weed out the potential bad friends – I’ve always been troubled by how ‘Inception’ ended, and I want to find out if the top really stops or not. 🙂

      xanthuskidd responded:
      1 April , 2013 at 15:23

      I don’t currently have a review board established, but I will inform you when I do!

    melanie jean juneau said:
    1 April , 2013 at 15:15

    laughing

    Janene said:
    1 April , 2013 at 16:27

    Love it, Chris. Is there a benefits package attached to this job? If so, I think we’d all like to hear it. 🙂

      xanthuskidd responded:
      2 April , 2013 at 20:55

      Haha, being my friend is such a great benefit in and of itself! 😀

    Slap The Penguin said:
    2 April , 2013 at 07:53

    You left a space for sex, but did not allow room to specify species. Are you open to interspecies friendship or should I assume humans only need apply

      xanthuskidd responded:
      2 April , 2013 at 20:56

      All species are equally welcome to apply. Though please note, this position has been cut due to budget constraints. Long-distance social friendships are still open, though!

    darinlhammond said:
    2 April , 2013 at 20:42

    I think I do less work on my blog. But peace … I’ll be your friend anon.

      xanthuskidd responded:
      2 April , 2013 at 20:57

      Haha, thanks. The more the merrier! (usually)

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