Many Paths to Ascension

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There exist in this life many paths to ascension. We have more options than ever to reach higher planes. One is not forced by the constraints of society to remain on this humble earth. It is to be our goal in life to reach higher and better places, and many means have been provided to us through years of study and tradition. Of course, as with any system, certain ways of ascension are better than others. I will here detail a hierarchy of value of those methods by which one may reach a higher place. Like the Food Court or Belks.

Service Elevators are the lowest and basest means of ascension. These are useful for large items and those people of disproportionate anatomical architecture, but they provide little pleasure or satisfaction when used. Like bumper cars, they’re often disappointing. 

Regular Stairwells are useful for exercising and escaping fires, but they hold no inherent enjoyable features other than these. Occasionally one may choose to hold competitions on a stairwell, to see how many steps one may bypass through the means of jumping, but any enjoyment must be derived by the user, and no stairwell is required for these acts of obvious boredom.

Ladders are commonly used for utility purposes, but they are also extremely helpful in cases of fires or chronic episodes of shortness. This method can be strenuous, but is more versatile and rewarding to those who commit to the proper usage of a ladder.

Escalators add an entertaining element to the traditional stair system. Instead of static steps that wait for human involvement, the escalator actively engages in raising humans to the next level. The escalator is the least forgiving and most dogmatic of any of these systems, however, as it proclaims only one way and one direction. Try fighting the tide on one of these, and the faithful adherents are likely to be put off by your attempts. 

Hi-Speed Elevators rank next on the list of preferable means of ascension. The fulfillment that one experiences when racing skyward is thwarted only by the realization that one cannot see out of the elevator.

Glass Elevators solve the problem of the traditional elevator system. They provide both a view and an easy ascension to the desired level. These are one of the most preferable means of ascension. Especially rocket-powered glass elevators. 

Spiral Staircases hold the position of best and most enjoyable of any of any means of justification by works. Indeed, one cannot find a more enjoyable method of rising to a previously unreached level.

I hope you can find personal fulfillment in your quest to reach a higher place, whether that be in your local mall, an office building, or in your own life. Remember these methods of ascension and put them to use. Perhaps you will one day reach that place that you are seeking.

Peace,
~XK

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One thought on “Many Paths to Ascension

    nothingprofound said:
    1 May , 2012 at 18:20

    As always, love the wit and play on words. Eagerly await the companion piece: Many Paths to The Lower Depths.

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