How to Use Proper Grammar

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Sike! I bet you thought this was going to be a post full of fairly useful tips on how to properly make use of grammar, complimented by sarcastic remarks. Nope! Just Chuck Testa. I considered writing a post of a similar nature, ranting about the lack of proper grammar by those who Facebook, Tweet, write blogs, and do whatever else people do on the internet. Then I realized the monumental task that I would be putting myself to, and I decided to reduce the condescension levels that means I’ll be nicer and, instead, write about the importance of grammar. 

Of course, I make my share of mistakes in this blog. You can probably even find errors in this post. Every now and then I leave out word, misspell a synonim, or forget to insert a words punctuation. See what I did there? No man is infallible, aside from Jesus and Chuck Norris, but I don’t think either of them blog. Jesus did write a pretty good book, though. You should totally read it. Aside from the students in the English Review classes at my college, I try not to be overly critical of others’ writing. I’m an English tutor, in case you’re wondering. I’ll let slide a few pronouns who are missing their antecedents. I don’t mind the occasional comma splice or wrongly inserted semicolon, and I try to overlook the stray confused homophone. 

The Canadians have spies everywhere…

That brings us to the somewhat main point of this post. Yes, it has a point. Strict enforcement of grammar is not as important as a clear conveyance of the message intended. Sometimes, it is raining outside. I must admit, while possessing some sense of grammar has the effect of enhancing one’s communication skills, this skill has its defects. Grammar can be restrictive of style. Conjunctions are not free to reside at the head of sentences, and who made up the rules for the proper usage of dashes? I don’t want to be a perfect grammarian; I just want my readers to understand the message. In this case, I want them  to understand that I value grammar, and I believe they should as well. Translation: learn how to write. 

Writing may not be your forté, but you should do the best that you can. If you don’t, who knows what will happen; maybe I’ll troll you, or maybe you’ll write something that will offend the Grammarian Association of Newfoundland. The members will become so incensed with your lack of grammatical correctness that they will hire someone to do something bad to you. They’d hire mercenaries because grammarians aren’t very powerful people. The members–since they’re Canadian–will most likely hire Eskimos to engage you in an existential conversation on the ethicality of Canadian bacon in a society with public health care. This will be followed by a taunting of the value of the American dollar. The public shame and humiliation that will result could be devastating to your appetite.

So, the next time you are tempted to misuse “their/there/they’re” or needlessly insert a comma, remember the Canadians. They’re watching you… eh.  

8 thoughts on “How to Use Proper Grammar

    Rachel Allison said:
    27 February , 2012 at 10:42

    As a professed grammar Nazi, I do my best to keep my own grammar in line (actually, I just enjoy using proper grammar and continually bettering my writing skills; it has almost nothing to do with my grammar naziness). Of course, you can still find errors in my writing. Like you said, everybody makes mistakes. But seeing as the point is to convey the message clearly rather than to say it absolutely perfectly for the sake of perfection (and bragging rights, of course), I try not to get overly concerned. Though I will admit I freak out a bit when I’ve discovered my own misuse of “their/there/they’re” (this only happens on occasion, mind you, and I always fix it as soon as possible. If it can be fixed, that is. If not, I live in constant fear of the Canadians… eh?;).

      xanthuskidd responded:
      27 February , 2012 at 11:32

      I always die a little inside when I see that I’ve misused a homophone. 😀

    Guy said:
    28 February , 2012 at 14:11

    Canadians can’t be left in charge of grammar! The whole idea that they have good grammar is untrue. It’s only at the CBC, parliament, and in downtown Toronto that they talk like that. Check out Don Cherry: Most Canadians talk like that:

      xanthuskidd responded:
      28 February , 2012 at 20:53

      “and there were not one of ’em was a fighter”

      Haha, nice. Don’t worry! I’m sure that if I was serious, someone would have stopped me by now. 😉

    Kooz said:
    2 March , 2012 at 22:43

    I’m a bit of a grammar nazi myself, hating misuse of grammar and language in general (even posted about it at some point). Cool blog, I dig it.

      xanthuskidd responded:
      3 March , 2012 at 12:18

      Haha, yes. You have a cool blog, too!

    Slappy said:
    4 October , 2012 at 14:55

    Ahhh Yes. Yet trying to be a grammer Nazi here in germany… well it isn’t exactly something easy to do 😀
    Anyway Nice Post!

      xanthuskidd responded:
      4 October , 2012 at 15:50

      Thanks! I would imagine that title is bad idea to use.

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