Food Theory — Part 2

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A continuation of Food Theory — Part 1. 

From Plato, we move to the theological. The Form of the Food is the highest concept in Platonic theory, but what shall we give to those for whom there must exist a maker? Obviously, the food must come from somewhere. To the religious, the Chef is the entity who has created the food. The Chef’s work is written in his Cookbook and recorded for all to read. The religious still hold that one day the Chef will return and establish his kitchen on earth and abolish all hunger. Along with Burger King, that should have been abolished long ago.

In the beginning, there was naught. The Chef looked down from his kitchen and said “let there be food” and there was food. The Chef looked upon this food and saw that it was good. He saw, however, that there was something lacking. He spoke to the people of the Dining Room and gave them a command: “Go unto all the tables, eating the food that I have created, sharing it with others and feasting merrily.” Now, the people of the Dining Room were evil, and when they saw the greatness of the feast that had been placed before them, they were seized with envy. Each man fought with his brother over the contents of his plate. Soon, the glorious feast that had been prepared by the Chef was gone–destroyed in the gluttonous fighting. The Chef came in from his kitchen and saw the mess that filled the Dining Room. His sadness was great, so he told the people, “because you disobeyed my command, you have brought hunger down upon yourselves.” From thence came hunger. This is why all humans are now hungry. ~ Ancient Hunger Myth

Many throughout the ages have disputed the authority, even the existence, of a divine Chef.  The scientific community holds that all food began as a giant ingredient “soup.” As the state of the ingredients grew more and more agitated, a giant explosion was propagated. From this came a very basic form of food. All other, more complicated, forms of food evolved from this first form. Like cream puffs. Have you ever tried to make those? They’re complicated!

The Chef is Dead. ~ Nietzsche Life is cyclical. Nom.

Friedrich Nietzsche believed that the Chef was a fabrication of people’s minds. His famous quote (seen above) is usually taken as a non-literal interpretation of the concept of a Chef. The Chef is not seen as an actual cook, but rather a conceptual visualization of how Nietzsche believed that the Chef was no longer a viable belief. Rather like the idea of a cook at McDonald’s. A novel idea, but far-fetched and hopeless nonetheless.

Nietzsche held that culinary perfection could be obtained for all through the creation of new recipes under the concept of Übermensch. (loosely translated Super-Muffin) He also believed that the food realm was cyclical, and all possible combinations of ingredients would be obtained during the cycles of the kitchen. Cantaloupe Pasta, meatball ice cream, and cabbage flavored chewing gum. Of course, he has since died, and with his body, his theories rotted away over time.

I would be remiss to speak of culinary deities without bringing up the newest and most tasty of them all. The Flying Spaghetti Monster is generally regarded among the masses of the patrons of the internet cafés as the highest being in the kitchen. The FSM gladly bestows his grace and meatballs upon all who come before him with humor and wit. Unfortunately, the Church of the FSM is quite unorganized and resembles a random WordPress blog. And nobody reads those. Obviously.

Until next time… enjoy those Big Macs.
~ XK


4 thoughts on “Food Theory — Part 2

    Lilith said:
    15 November , 2011 at 17:22

    O! so cute and

    Claire said:
    15 November , 2011 at 18:52

    I’m kind of confused. Are you actually trying to make a point about God? Or is this just supposed to be a funny article about food?

      xanthuskidd responded:
      15 November , 2011 at 19:01

      Nothing serious intended, other than poking fun at Nietzche. My goal is to take a bunch of theories and twist them to fit with food. Hopefully the humor holds through and is understood. 😉

        claire said:
        15 November , 2011 at 20:08

        hahahahahha “poking fun at Nietzsche” funniest thing i’ve heard all day….I just got a mental image of you walking up to Nietzsche, poking him and using his own beliefs in an argument to show how ridiculous some of his claims are.

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