Have you ever dreamt of a world devoid of waffles? Have you ever considered what horrors could manifest themselves as a result of such a tragic state of being? Have you ever sat and pondered the supreme lack of appeal that a breakfast would hold without those wonderful square bread-type items that so greatly compliment heaping spoonfuls of butter and syrup? Have you ever thought of the sadness that the realm of pancakes would experience with the loss of such a symmetrically thrilling cousin?
No, neither have I. I think about much more important things. (Like monkeys.)
My apologies to any that I have offended with my brash outbreak of depressive speech. The other day, I was dwelling upon the theological implications of waffles. The results were rather bleak. Needless to say, the quadrilateral attributes of the waffle do not match up well with the overarching triune theme of that other religious belief system.
In fact, in all of my not-small sampling of theological study, I have never come across a correlatory discourse on waffles and religion.
Waffles are so confusing; it’s quite easy to underestimate them. For me, breakfast begins by obtaining some yogurt, moving on to the fruit, sallying forth to acquire some cereal, then ambling over to fill up on a tasty beverage or two. Those devices of such simple, yet wonderfully successful, operation stand over to the side–the waffle makers. They sit idly by and taunt my taste buds. The mix and machines stare at me, ideologically wonderful but practically deadly. A waffle at such a time in the morning, with my already-full tray of food, could ruinously affect both my schedule and eating habits.
Not to mention my figure. The results of such gluttony could be disastrous.
Unlike a Pop Tart, which can be eaten with both a high level of enjoyment and a low effect on one’s appetite, a waffle can completely destroy an appetite. Waffles fill every corner of your stomach with their dense substance, expanding to overcome any voids that might have existed in the stomach prior to consumption.
Waffles: the expanding foam of the food world.
However, when eaten with liberally applied large volumes of syrup and butter, waffles can make for a quite satisfying meal. A glass of milk, a bottle of syrup, a plate of waffles, and an empty stomach are all essential elements to a unique and satisfying breakfast experience.
Those and meatloaf. Meatloaf always makes for a unique breakfast. Especially with root-beer. Root-beer and meatloaf for breakfast… (I think it’s time to stop writing now.)