I believe adulations are in order…

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Dear Graduate,

Salutations and felicitations! You have successfully completed your high school career! Of course, you already knew that, I just typed it because Hallmark loves to state the obvious, and obviously, Hallmark knows so much… Anyway. You’re going to get so many cards, you’ll be automatically opening every colored envelope you see. “Oh boy! That’s… a netflix envelope.” (anticlimactic.) You are going to grow sick of that song about finding your wings and flying and roots and love. You’ll be like “Arg!!! I know you love me and want me to do well in life, just say it already! Don’t sing that song! No!!!” *sigh of despair* It’s only for a moment you were mine to hold… something, something something wings… Just smile and thank the singer. (You can secretly talk about them later behind their back.) You’re going to hear the question “So, what are you doing with yourself now?” so many times. Have fun with the question. (“I’m going to be a professional cat tamer” or “I’m moving into my parent’s basement to play video games” or “I’m traveling to 14 countries on a mastercard, I’ll be in debt about $100k by the time I’m done, it’s the same as going to college…. right?”) After that, come up with a good, solid, easy-to-repeat answer. (It’s a fun question the first 4 or 20 times it’s asked.) So, yeah, that’s about all the advice I have for you. Once you get to college, (if you go to college) you’ll discover the great new world of higher education and harder classes. Anyway, CONGRATULATIONS!!!!


PS: Can I have a piece of your graduation cake? 😉

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