Pop Tarts

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Pop Tarts are amazing. Have you ever noticed that? They’re like the pre-packaged wonder food. I mean, they’re amazing for breakfast and perfect for a snack; you eat two with milk and that could be your lunch… Truthfully, I could live on Pop Tarts.

When I say live on them I mean literally live on them. You know, I could actually build a house out of Pop Tarts. It’d be like in Hansel and Gretal with the gingerbread house! You could use some really large, 4×8 ft Pop Tarts as the siding, cut out some smaller strips for the wall studs, for the roof you just make sure that you use extra glazing…  You could use different flavors to provide the different colorations. For the flooring you could have Pop Tart mosaics. The bed could be one large Pop Tart that isn’t quite fully cooked to provide extra softness. Imagine the wonderful smells in the Summer, strawberry, raspberry, chocolate, apple strudel…. warm Pop Tart all of the time!

Now, the best part would be the pool. The pool would be filled with your favorite flavor of Pop Tart filling (strawberry anyone?) Of course, no pool is complete without a hot tub, and this hot tub would be filled with milk–nice, warm, whole milk in which you could dip your Pop Tarts… I suppose that if a Pop Tart house is not quite your cup of tea, you could always settle for Pop Tart vending machines in your house. That would be pretty legit. Free for you of course (but maybe you should charge your friends, these things are rather valuable.)

Really, I can’t think of too much that’s as cool as a Pop Tart. I mean, cheese is pretty awesome, but, really… Pop Tarts are in a foil package (much better than paper, and easier to open than plastic,) they combine both the stable world of pastry with the exciting realm of sweet jellyness, they come in a million flavors (give or take 999,972,) they can be eaten right out of the package or microwaved; the list could just go on… I honestly don’t think that breakfast would ever be the same if Pop Tarts didn’t exist. (You wake up in the morning, sadly remember that it’s a school day, take a shower, grudgingly get ready for school, then you remember… I HAVE A POP TART!!! Then life is suddenly 99×10^3 times better.) So, yeah, I think that pretty much sums up my view on Pop Tarts. Have I ever mentioned that I like Altoids…?

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